Now, being the lead character in one of the biggest films in the history of cinema, you would expect Daniel Radcliffe to not only have the pick of the ladies, but to also be confident. However, when it comes to dating, Radcliffe (who is now in a relationship) admits that he hasn’t got a magic spell and that despite his successful career; he’s just a normal guy with normal feelings.

Dating may appear to come naturally to some people, however for the majority, spending an entire evening making small talk with a complete stranger is about as appealing as going to the dentist for a filling. How can we beat these feelings?

Escape the ‘norm’ – If the idea of a date scares you why not break free from the ‘classic date’ and do something totally different. Activity based first dates are great for taking away some of the nerves and are excellent for breaking the ice and getting the conversation flowing. However – if you’re more relaxed with a DVD and a bottle of wine on the sofa then by all means do that. Whatever makes you feel the most relaxed will help you to enjoy the date.

Be open minded – Most of us go to the shops with a list but half way round the aisles we end up ditching it and picking up plenty of impulse buys. Now I’m not suggesting you treat your love life like your weekly shopping, but I am suggesting you ditch the 378-point criteria check-list and go on impulse. Who knows, you may end up falling for someone you usually would have written off had you stuck to it.

Say ‘YES’ to all invitations – In a similar way to be open minded, say ‘yes’ to all invitations. Not only will this open up your social circle, but it will also give you plenty more opportunities to meet new people. Getting out of your comfort zone and learning to enjoy the company of new people is a great way to build confidence which can then be put into practice on a date.

Don’t put pressure on yourself – Everyone is different so whatever you do don’t compare yourself to others who may go on dates all the time and seem great at it. Don’t beat yourself up about things or set yourself unrealistic goals like, ‘I have to be in a relationship by the end of the year’. Just go with the flow and see what happens.

Focus on all your GREAT points – Focusing all your energy on what you consider your ‘bad points’ or reasons why the date would go badly is ultimately what makes you nervous about dates. So instead of fixating on negative thoughts, channel your good thoughts. Focus on all of the things you love about yourself and even have your friends make a list of why they love you if you have to!

So if like Radcliffe, you don’t think you’re very good at the art of dating, we suggest you get out there and arrange some dates. Put these tips into practice and start working your magic!

The decision to part ways and divorce would be much easier in a childless marriage, with no ties.  When children are involved, the dimensions change and things become far more complicated.  Your children have to be your first priority and every good parent will always want to do what is best for them.  There are so many factors to consider when there is not just the two of you to think about in a relationship split.  Separation and divorce without the tie of children is a much simpler process to navigate and enables a much easier escape, severing all ties.  Neither party need ever speak to each other again.

The main consideration in a loveless marriage when there are children involved is how is your soured relationship affecting them?  Although pretty resilient, children are very expert at not showing their true feelings and emotions.  They may appear on the surface to be unaffected and stable in their lives, but deep down the damage may already be slowly creeping in and have started to have a detrimental effect on them.  Signs of your child being affected include feelings of insecurity, clingy behaviour, reverting to ‘baby-like’ actions, bed wetting, lack of concentration/performance at school and even temper tantrums and social withdrawal, to name but a few.  In short, children are very aware of their surroundings and can pick up the bad vibes between you and your partner very easily.

When things go wrong in a relationship and you really feel you have reached the point of no return, it is very difficult to pretend that everything is okay and normal at home, in front of the children.  Trying to be nice to each other and maintain a calm environment in their company, only puts more strain and resentment on the failed relationship.  When the children are tucked up in bed at night and the voices become raised, the fights start and the shouting and even sometimes domestic violence erupts, ask yourself how this type of behaviour will affect your little ones.

Perhaps you feel that you should stay with your partner, as splitting up the family home would involve much upheaval for your child.  The chances are that you would have to move home, perhaps to something smaller.  Maybe the move will involve moving schools and leaving friends and support networks behind.  You may wonder how you will survive financially on your own, with one wage to manage on. This factor in itself is enough to make most people think twice about a new single life.

It is very important for children to look to their parents as strong role models with a positive outlook on life.  If your child sees an angry, moody and negative parent, this will reflect badly on their impression of how a good marriage should be.  Of course if things have progressed to the devastation of domestic violence and/or alcoholism, this is then an unacceptable environment for any child to be in.

If you are unhappy and depressed, the impact will be felt strongly by your child and then you really have to take action.  Emotional damage to a child can have a life lasting effect, causing them to potentially find difficulty in building their own solid relationships in the future.

For the many hundreds of thousands of couples that married at a time when celibacy was commonplace and sex before marriage was a taboo, even unhappy and abusive marriages were held together by the fear of rejection from friends and family. Affairs were frowned upon and never acceptable, even in the most difficult of circumstances. Fifty year marriages are common occurrences from many couples that married in this era, on the face of it happy and contented in their love for their partners and without a second thought on what they could be missing out on, but also void of the masses of opportunity and temptation that today’s modern married virgins face.

Websites that cater for discreet one off meetings are springing up at an enormous rate; all offering no strings attached rendezvous with like minded individuals. Of course not every married virgin with a computer will be jumping at the chance to experience the joys of sex with another partner, but there is no doubt that some will be tempted to give it a try and maybe discover the answer to their nagging question. With the ages of members ranging from 18 to 85 these services are not just available to those married in this millennium but have thrust these temptations and the opportunities to resolve them into the hands of previous generations.

Today’s society is all about opportunity and choices and if there is a desire and a demand there is also a website to match. Such temptations could only have been in the wildest of imaginations back in the 1940’s and 50’s.

Whether all these external pressures will encourage more affairs and ultimately more divorces and separations remains to be seen, but because of it there will definitely be many more partners harbouring secrets and praying that they don’t get caught out!

So if you married a virgin will it last? Well I guess it all comes down to how happy and contented you are with each other, whether you or your partner are that bothered about finding out, and how strong you are at avoiding today’s modern temptations.

Initially pets can be the farthest thing from our mind when a decision to divorce or separate is made, but the reality is never far away and the realisation of who has the legal right over what, not only extends to material property, but also to our pets.  For those couples that can simply not agree on this matter, it can be taken up in the courts.  The courts view pets as marital property and unlike children, where the court grants custody according to the child’s best interest, pets are divided in the same way as any other material possessions.  If you owned the pet before the relationship began, then you would usually be granted ownership.  In the cases where children are left with one parent, the animals would normally stay so as to preserve the child’s happiness.  However much you would like your pet to stay with you, there may be obvious practical reasons why this can’t happen.  Perhaps you are moving into a flat where pets are not allowed or the fact that now you find yourself on your own, there will be no one at home during the time you are at work and therefore no one to look after your pet.

Like children, the pet’s best interest should come first and if you are able to maintain a rational and communicative relationship with your ex, there is no reason why some kind of visitation right cannot be agreed.  Pets will miss you as much as you will miss them; dogs in particular are so intuitive and caring, but also creatures of routine. If you have spent many years in daily contact and suddenly are not there when they come to lick your face in the morning, it will also have a psychological effect on them.  If you have more than one pet and are considering separating the animals after divorce, you should also deliberate the effect this could have on them and the bond that will inevitably be broken between them.

Divorce and separation throws up many challenges and who gets the pets and what effect it has on them is as an important consideration as any of them.  Don’t be tempted to use your pet as a way of getting back at your ex.  Leaving your pet with an ex partner, that you know longer love, like or get along with will be a very difficult and heart breaking decision.  The animal’s best interest should always be your number one priority.

We develop very powerful bonds with our pets. Deciding or being forced to leave them behind could be one of the hardest decisions you will ever make and another hurdle to jump before you can rebuild your life after divorce.

Sadly it has been reported that between 50-70% of all couples will be unfaithful at some point during the course of their relationship.  Usually this happens when you are least expecting it and it can be quite a shock to find out that your trusted soul-mate, lover and best friend is far from this. You thought you knew him/her and things were going swimmingly in your relationship.  You had settled into a comfortable zone and felt secure.  You trusted your partner and like in every good relationship gave him/her space to be their own person.  You thought they would always be faithful and just when you thought you had everything your world comes tumbling down around you.  Infidelity can tear lives apart and leave the wounded partner distraught, hurt, devastated and not knowing how to deal with the terrible blow.  Imagine the shock after thinking you have a solid, steady relationship and then discovering the awful truth that your beloved partner has in fact betrayed you.

You could think that if you were that close to your partner and felt you really knew everything about them, you would instinctively know if something was wrong in your relationship.  But would you? So what are the telltale signs of betrayal?  Couples can often drift apart slowly after a long period of time and their lives can start to separate, no longer spending the cosy nights in by the fire together, but instead choosing the company of their friends over you.  Perhaps they have started up a new hobby or even a new job, taking them away from you and the home.  Sometimes partners don’t always plan to have an affair, but it just happens.  Presented with an opportunity, some people just can’t resist the offer and before they know it, have embarked on an affair.  Perhaps cracks were starting to show in their relationship and the doubts were beginning to creep in.  How will you know if your partner is playing away?  Sometimes we are so wrapped up in our own busy lives, we fail to see the obvious signs that things are not as they seem.  Is your partner spending less time in your company and more time doing other activities?

As previously mentioned they may have joined a new club or made a new circle of friends.  When they return home late at night from a workout and swim at the gym, how do you know that is where they have really been? Is your partner making more effort lately with their appearance?  Do they suddenly seem to be taking more interest in their clothing, wearing more aftershave/perfume and generally making more effort, particularly when they are going to work or out with friends?  Do you notice that they have become secretive with their mobile phone? Is it suddenly out of sight and closely guarded?  Does your partner take increasing numbers of brief work calls on their mobile and then tell you when you enquire ‘It was nothing’.  Do they leave the room to take the call to carry on the conversation?  These hints of suspicious behaviour could indicate an affair.  Has your partner become distant in the bedroom department and avoids intimacy with you, making excuses to not make love?  Any of the above could be signs that your partner has someone else on their mind.

There is a lot to be said for human intuition and if your head is telling you something is amiss in your relationship, then maybe it is time to dig deeper and confront your partner with your fears.

There is no doubt that separation and divorce is a daunting and painful process. It can take months, if not years, before you are able to rebuild your life and regain your confidence. The decision to separate or divorce will be all the harder if there are children involved and how ever much you want to be out of the relationship, you may find yourself reluctant to leave due to the heart break that will be caused to your siblings. Despite the inevitable pain, you may be surprised at how resilient children can be. There will no doubt be far more emotion and worry built up in your mind about the future, than usually does if the decision is made. Staying in a loveless marriage because you feel duty bound by your children is often a mistake, as the mental and psychological damage that you can cause can be far greater than making a break and building a new life.

Even without the involvement of children the usual commitments of modern life such as mortgages, loans, cars and pets, can be enough to make you step back from a heartfelt decision and convince you to continue with your sad and loveless existence. Everyone has heard the saying ‘Life is too short’ and this have never been so poignant where relationships are concerned, there is always life after divorce. It is far better to suffer the short term pain of a break up, rather than a life time of unhappiness and unfulfillment. There is always a light at the end of the tunnel. It may just take a while to reach it.

The thought of being alone and left on the shelf can also become a factor in an acceptance of a dead marriage. Not may people will cherish the thought of growing old alone, but with the help of the internet, there are thousands of singles from your own local area literally at your finger tips. By using an internet dating site it is far more likely that you will meet someone that has had similar experiences as yourself, than it would have been twenty years ago.

For those that do find the strength and courage required, they may be lucky enough to find years of happiness ahead of them.

Well the first question to ask yourself is where are you going on your date and what time of year is it?  There would be no point wearing a smart shift dress if you were planning on a cross country walk.  Stiles and above the knee dresses definitely don’t mix!  Naturally you wouldn’t want to wear a strappy cotton number in the depth of winter.

Footwear is another matter.  Lovely and elegant as they are, do you want to suffer the pain of your six inch heels, which look beautiful with that dress or do you opt for the sensible option and go for the less glamorous look.  You need to be realistic and decide which shoes you feel most comfortable in.  This would apply to your outfit too.  You need to feel confident in your outfit.  Don’t make the mistake of following the latest fashion trend, if it really doesn’t suit you.

The danger of dressing to impress, can present you as being over dressed and even possibly (for the over forties) ‘Mutton dressed as lamb’.  Not the look you want to convey.  You should also avoid coming across as too overtly sexy.  Low tops and plunging necklines with plenty of cleavage have their place, but may be not on that first date.  Dressing like some hooker, will certainly attract plenty of attention, but will not send out the right signals to your date.

So what should you wear, taking into account all of the above?  As we mentioned before, one of the most important things to consider is your comfort.  If you feel at ease with yourself, you will be more relaxed and nobody loves anything better than a confident smile, making you so much more attractive in the process.  In our opinion, unless you are attending a ball or dinner dance – highly unlikely on a first date, you cannot go wrong with a decent pair of smart jeans (avoid the ripped, bleached effect one’s!) and a pretty top.  Keeping things less fussy is definitely best.  You can still look a million dollars in figure hugging jeans and a smart top.  It would be advisable to keep make up subtle and opt for a more natural look, than a full on theatrical red lipped face.  After all he will want to see the real you and not some mask!  Don’t over do your perfume.  You don’t want him to pass out from your intoxicating Chanel No 5, as beautiful as it is!  Above all have fun, smile and radiate that beauty from within.

Clothing advice for men

For you men out there, avoid the vest and muscle look, even if you do possess a six pack, like Peter Andre.  Flaunting it will no doubt send the wrong signals and in any case you’ll spoil the mystery of what may be to come.  Anything too bold or comical may also send your date fleeing for the nearest taxi rank!  A Homer Simpson musical tie and a hawain shirt won’t cut it unless you know your date is completely colour blind and a massive Simpson’s fan!  You can’t go wrong with the smart casual look – smart jeans or Chino’s and a collared shirt.  You can push the boundaries of your attire once you’re found out more about each other, that is if she thinks you’re gorgeous enough for a second date!

It’s a dilemma that many will have faced, not knowing whether to broach the subject, for fear of ridicule or rejection,   which in itself can cause anguish and anxiety.  In our opinion it is always better to be open and upfront about any fetish or fantasy that you have a desire to carry out.  Just imagine how wonderful it would feel if after discussing it with your partner, you realise that he or she is into exactly the same thing as you are.  Of course not every fantasy can or has to be lived out.  In reality some of the most darkest and more obscure ones are probably best kept locked inside your subconscious mind.

So when and how do you bring the subject up and find out whether you are a match made in heaven or a sexual disaster waiting to happen? This will be a sensitive subject, so take things slowly.  Gauge your partners reaction, from subtle comments or hints made over several weeks.  From this you should be able to steadily come to a solid decision on whether your partner will be enthused or disgusted by your needs and desires.

Porn can also be a great way to find out what makes your partner tick, but this in itself can give you clues into their mindset.  Complete refusal from your partner to watch it with you can signify a hang up about sex or insecurity about the relationship or even their own self image.  If you do get a willing response, then find some porn that touches on your own particular vice and see where it takes you.  A demand to turn it off immediately will not be what you want to hear, but at least you will know where your boundaries lie.

Like a lot of things in life, sexual compatibility will come down to luck.  For the middle aged man that gets turned on by wearing a nappy and pretending to be a baby again, the chances of finding a willing ‘mother figure’ will be pretty slim.  For less extreme and more common desires, such as bondage or role play, you may be surprised on how many others are out there looking for the same experience.

Successful relationships are built on both honesty and compromise, so although you may not get to relive your secret desires to the full, you may be able to reach a happy medium that is acceptable to both of you.  It is far better to talk and discover each others sexual likes and dislikes than to wonder and continue to be frustrated about what could have been.

You may think that you are the only one that has this fetish or fantasy, but as we are all human, the chances are there will be thousands of other people out there that are thinking and wanting exactly the same thing.  A good sexual relationship is a big part of any partnership, so don’t be put off discussing your own desires through fear of rejection.  Your sexual satisfaction and realisation of your fantasies might only be a conversation away.

Good luck!

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